senseyouregone
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Dec
06

Seriously, this must have been therapeutic for me at some point. ?  Odd, that I haven’t touched it since leaving Atlanta, in early 2011.  Wish I had beautiful success stories to share w/everyone, but frankly, other than FB befriending Mikalee, and some warm memories of mynakedbokkie, the only one I can tell you is that my stepson ended up living with me.  For the last 2 years.  In a healthy environment, where he has family, cousins, his dog, better schools, a church life, was baptized in a river, all blessings above and beyond any previous hopes, that we would have some sort of contact/relationship beyond divorce.  I’m in a city where it’s hard to get or stay employed.  Yet, he is flourishing, here.  Meanwhile, I’m unemployed, facing eviction, and struggling to keep our heads above water.  God has a long timeline.  Don’t forget that.  I did.  And can’t even begin to explain how I ended up making another post here, 2 yrs later.  If you’re the praying kind, please pray we don’t have to do this again, (regarding Moving Day).  It’s been twice in the last 2-3 years, for both of us, in very different ways.  We are healing well, here.  I’m not moving out of this area, regardless of what it takes.  I think “Follow the money” is great advice, if you’re a journalist, or trying to figure out why there are injustices in the world.  I chose to follow the love, instead. I have aging parents here, that need care.  I have old friends, that I NEVER expected to have again, that comfort my soul. I have new friends, too, that are blessings I never even prayed for.  So, while I still have an Internet connection, and am stumbling across this piece of my past, I just wanted to offer some hope around these three things, “Faith, Hope, and Love”.  The greatest of these, I think we were told, is Love.  I just do it more fearlessly now.  I hang on the hope that for today, all is well.  I reflect, to strengthen Faith.  I never really blogged about the cliff-diving that came after this, but believe it, I dove.  And I have few regrets, since.  My sense is probably as absent as it ever was, but I hold fast, to truth, honesty, integrity, and any love that comes my way.  And then I try to mirror that back to my little world.  Who needs to hear from you, today?  Who needs your attention?  What are you fretting and anxious about?  Think about that, if you stumble across this post.  And if you can scrounge up a Bible, look up Phillipians 4:6-8.  

Jan
20

Ah, moving day.  Who doesn’t love that day?   I can honestly say that most of the “moving days” I’ve experienced in my life, were good ones.   Hopeful ones.  Excited ones.   And more often that not… good weather ones!   That’s the thing about moving days, though – they don’t give a s*it about the weather.  When they get here, they’re here, come rain, sleet, snow, or shine.  Chances are the truck is rented, the move-out date is set, and there is nothing more to do now, except load up, and load out!

Courtesy of shutterstock.com

Tomorrow is “her” moving day.  And such a fantastically different, non-atypical moving day, I honestly don’t know WHAT to feel about it.   We’ve had several of these days over a short 7 year marriage.  Maybe five or more.  Most of them were the hopeful/excited kind, despite some of the circumstances that brought them about.  Right-sizing, shorter commutes, more affordable housing, better schools for the kid, better yards for the dog, even…. all good and acceptable reasons to move.  But can we all agree here that Moving Day still kinda sucks?  And that 6 times in 7 years is WAAAY too much moving for anyone?  ( I understand all of this comes easier for military brats, but I was not one of those, so it seems quite the pain in the ass.  Or arse, depending on where you’re from. )   So since I’ve been mired in the “process” of preparing for Moving Day…. I’ve come to understand some new things about it.

First, it’s easier when you have help.  If I sound bitter, it’s because I am.  For the most part, every single time we’ve moved, for one reason or another, I got 95% of the prep work, and a heaping portion of the actual moving part.  I don’t mind that for my son.  He’s young, and can’t really help much in terms of lifting and carrying, or organizing and packing.  But as adults, it should be a team effort, right?   Like a lot of the rest of this marriage that is crashing and burning, it never really was.  There is most definitely not an “I” in TEAM, but there’s an M and an E, and that was ME.  Doing most of the work,  getting stuck w/the cleanup, getting utilities set, dealing with the financial end of things…. even the unpacking to a large extent.  

(Which btw, I’ve noticed a gender thing here, especially on arrival at the new locale.  Women have to “fluff the nest”, and they tend to focus on that.  Before the last sticks of furniture and boxes are off the truck, it suddenly becomes URGENT to get the shower curtain hung, and put a drapery up over that window that faces the neighbor’s house.)   Anyway, in typical fashion, I was stuck with the majority of packing for “her” move.  Nice.  I will likely be stuck with the cleanup from all the crap she leaves behind, too.  Nicer.   I do have some help on the way, for MY moving day, but as has been tradition, we’re all left w/cleaning up her mess behind her.

nm..... I already know why ya lazy beeyotch...

Second, purging.  Purging is hard when you’re not a minimalist.  I’m far from it.  I have a genetically mutated gene, that goes at least as far back as my Grandfather, that truly STRUGGLES with throwing away useful things.  One of my last memories of my grandfather, was walking around his farm in the high grass, tripping over something big and metallic.  When asked what it was, he said, “That’s a good plow.”  So, I asked him why he still had it, since he no longer had  a tractor, and it was obviously covered with the rust of time.  His reply?  “That’s not a tractor plow, that’s a plow you use with a mule, or a horse!”  Sheezh…. thanks Dad and Pop-Pop.   Just what I need in my DNA…  Now, I don’t have anything quite that bad hanging around in the basement or garage, unless you count old PC equipment and such.  But I have been a house-owner or house-renter for about 15 years now, so the tools and such have, um…. accumulated.   And if there is a perfectly good 1/4 cup of paint or stain left in a can, why throw it out, right?   It’s not just the garage stuff, it’s things I’m finding in drawers, in closets, tucked away under beds, that I haven’t seen in 2 years, and can’t figure out why I STILL don’t want to pitch them in the trash.   Amazingly, it was easier to throw this stuff out if it was “hers”.   And since her moving day is coming first, I’ve had to focus on most of those things.   Oddly enough, I am excited about the prospect of purging much, or most, of anything that reminds me of “her”.  Both tomorrow, and in the coming weeks.  It’s just the getting it all done that’s a little overwhelming.

A perfectly good slingshot? Keep, trash, or sell?

So much for thinking I would be blogging daily or weekly at best.   It’s too bad, too.  Way cool “drama” today that I can’t blog about yet, due to legalities and such.  But that story’s a-comin’ ya’ll….   Hopefully, sooner, rather than later.

Btw…. I fully expect some tl;dr comments on this one.  Hell, I didn’t even want to proofread it!

Jan
07

I wasn’t going to blog.  Really.  I was just going to comment on other people’s blogs.  Making my own just seemed like…. well, work.  And I’m already kinda lazy.   But I changed my mind, because I can do that, if I want to.  This is a little about how I came up with “senseyouregone”, and some other random schtuff….

So, my initial foray into WordPress came via another blog that I felt compelled to comment on.  I registered for the name “BrokenPicker” and was allowed to post with that on a few blogs.   I figured I would just stick with that, but the blog name was already taken by an –  I’m certain – soon-to-be-famous screenwriter from LA called Brokenpicker.    She (I think) doesn’t like sand in her car or long walks on the beach in either order, from what I can gather.  But MY picker is broken, so perhaps hers is too?  I dunno.    Was initially frustrated with that, because y’know… it’s HARD to come up w/a creative name for your blog.

So in the short 2-week aftermath of learning from my 10 year old son, that our family dynamics were soon to drastically change, I somehow found my first bit of comfort in a Cars song that was playing as I was running some meaningful errand one day.   (Turns out, coffee makers are quite an important necessity of everyday life.)  So, “Bye, Bye Love” comes on the radio….

And I absent mindedly listened along.   (It really is “such a wavy midnight, when you slip into insane”, btw…  Sometimes, “always, it’s some other guy”, too, but I digress….)   This led me to Youtube to watch some Cars videos, and thus the song, “Since You’re Gone”.   Which doesn’t speak to me when it’s spelled correctly, but when you spell it like my blog name, it all came together.   Besides, if I had any sense to begin with, I never would have married her in the first place.  But the stepson I was privileged to parent for 7 years, technically has made that all worthwhile.  So, for that…. I have zero regrets.

There’s another line in the “Bye Bye Love” song that really resonated with me as well, and I would say helped guide me to the name for this blog.

“With your eyes of porcelain, and of blue,  they shock me INTO SENSE”

It’s hard when you have come to the realization that the one you love has become so adept at looking you straight in the eyes and lying so convincingly.   Shoulda known better.  Her eyes were actually bullshit brown.  (no offense to any honest brown eyed girls or Van Morrison intended here, btw…)

So that’s how I named my blog.  What about you?  Some are less explanatory than others, so whatcha got?

 

 

Jan
07

I’m going through a divorce, so I was Googling stuff about that, y’know….. just trying to find out how to “do it right”, cause I already know about Eleventy-Gajillion ways that one could be “doing it wrong”.

Btw, I picked that picture, because I know at least one journalism major might be reading this blog, and I’d really appreciate it if she’d cut me some slack on all things grammar-related, so TIA!

Anywho, like I said…. (see, sometimes I just WANT to spell it “anywho”…. sheezh….)  I stumbled across the most hilarious, yet relate-able blog on divorce, here on WordPress.  I’m sure there are probably many more, but sometimes it’s just… right place, right timing… I dunno.   Check the About section for more on how I ended up here.  And there.  But longer story short, I ended up blogging in someone else’s blog, via a comment, and it was strongly suggested that I STFU on that blog, and go get my own.   (not exactly like that, but I like to embellish a tad, like most people who write shit – Oops!  Almost cursed!)   So, anyway, I will probably TAKE their suggestions, and make a couple of those comments my first posts here.  I didn’t see anything special in them, but I need….. fodder… for now.

Mostly, just wanted to thank a few people for getting me started here.  I need to go get permission to link to their blogs, but when I do, you should be able to click the names of Mikalee, mynakedbokkie, and J Roycroft and go directly to their blogs. IF they say it’s ok to link.  If they don’t?  Hell, Google ’em!  They put their shit out there, so I’m assuming they’re ok if it gets read worldwide, right?

Admittedly,  I know nothing about blogging etiquette, or even blogging for that matter, so I’m open to corrections.  I learned a little off bokkie’s blog.   But I had a couple snags getting my blog name approved, just a little miscommunication, NBD.   All the prettying up, and backgrounds, and pictures and stuff…. I just gotta figure it out as I go along.  Anyone has suggestions on that, I’m open as Chad Ocho-Cinco!   I see a lot of buttons at the top that will hopefully be helpful…  Who doesn’t like buttons?  They keep your pants up, for one.

So what will you find here?  I have no freakin’ earthly idea.  Mostly shit about divorce.  A few people already won Google awards for their shit divorces, but that doesn’t make MY shit divorce any less shitty.   You might find some cursing here.  Sorry, I’m working on getting some cleaner adjectives.  Hopefully, you will find some things you can relate to on the interests in my “About” page.  I hate filling those out.  Anyway, I’m gonna end it on that note, so I can go play w/the buttons.  Hope to see ya’ll around!